Talk That Talk

Hey Fam,

This week’s Spiritually Sexy newsletter is diving into something that we all deal with, but not enough of us really talk about—communication styles. Whether it's romance, family, or friendships, the way we communicate (or don’t) can make or break the connection.

Let’s get into why it’s so vital to learn the communication styles of the people in your life. For some folks, communication is deeper than just talking—it’s how they feel love, how they set boundaries, and how they connect on levels beyond the surface.

Romance: The Love Language of Communication

When it comes to relationships, we all know about love languages, right? But communication is like the foundation that makes all those love languages work. Some people need words of affirmation, while others might need you to just listen without trying to fix things. If you’re not paying attention to how your partner expresses their feelings, needs, or boundaries, you’re missing out on truly understanding them. And let’s be real—surface-level connections ain’t it. If you want something real, you gotta dig deeper.

For some, it’s easy to open up. But for others? Not so much. Maybe they weren’t taught how to express their emotions growing up, or past relationships made them afraid to be vulnerable. Childhood traumas, toxic exes, or just never seeing healthy communication growing up can create serious walls.

Platonic: The Power of Knowing Your Friends

It’s not just romantic relationships where communication matters. Think about your friends. Sometimes people assume friendship is just chill and doesn’t require that same level of communication, but that's not true. We all have that friend who pulls back instead of talking about what’s really bothering them. Knowing how your friends communicate is just as crucial. Some need space, others need to talk it out, and some just need to know you're there for them even if they don’t say much.

If we don’t learn each other’s communication styles, we can hurt people without even knowing it. And that’s how real friendships start to crumble—misunderstanding and unmet needs that weren’t even communicated in the first place.

Family: Breaking Cycles

Now let’s talk about the OGs of communication struggles—family. We don’t choose our family, but damn if they don’t shape us. Sometimes, people in your family don’t know how to communicate because they weren’t taught either. This is where generational cycles come in—people keep repeating the same toxic patterns because they don’t know any better.

But here’s the thing: you can break those cycles. When you start to understand your own communication style and the styles of your family members, you can create healthier dynamics. But it takes work. You’ve gotta set boundaries, express needs, and sometimes you have to teach people how to communicate with you in a way that works for you.

Why Some People Don’t Want to Learn

Here’s the flip side—some people just refuse to learn. Why? Sometimes it’s because they’ve got their own motives. Maybe they’re not trying to get that deep with you, or maybe they don’t even realize they’re stuck in their ways. It could also be that they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. If someone’s not willing to learn your communication style, it’s worth asking why. Are they just not that into you? Or are they avoiding deeper connections because of their own issues?

So, What’s the Solution?

Here’s where the work comes in. If you want meaningful connections, you gotta be willing to:

1. Learn: Pay attention to how people communicate. Do they need space when they’re mad, or do they need to talk it out right away? Do they show love through words, or are they more about actions?

2. Teach: If someone’s not picking up on your communication style, don’t assume they don’t care. Sometimes people just don’t know. Teach them what works for you. Let them know how you express your needs, boundaries, and emotions.

3. Receive: Communication goes both ways. You can’t just expect others to cater to your style without being open to theirs. Be willing to receive how they communicate and take it as valuable information. It’s not about changing who they are, but understanding how to meet in the middle.

4. Set Boundaries: If someone’s communication style isn’t compatible with yours and they’re not willing to learn, set boundaries. Don’t force a connection if it’s not there. Protect your peace.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, communication is everything. Whether it’s with your boo, your bestie, or your family, learning how to communicate is what takes relationships from surface-level to soul-deep. We all got different styles, and understanding them is the key to building real, lasting connections.

Let’s make a conscious decision to communicate better and more authentically, for ourselves and for the people we care about.

With love, light, and realness,

Pearl

P.S. Keep the convo going—drop a comment on social or hit me up in the DMs. Let’s get into it!